Breakups are painful. Losing someone hurts no matter what the conditions are. It is an emotionally exhausting experience. When you think you are over it, another wave of pain surges with the slightest trigger. And you wonder “Why can’t I get past this?”
First, understand why is it important to let the hurt go?
Not letting go of the painful feelings of anger, resentment, regret has negative effects only on you – your physical, mental, and emotional health suffers. It does nothing to the person you blame. You are giving pain the power. And pain blocks you from moving forward.
Can you fill an already full cup? No. You cannot bring in new opportunities, fresh beginnings if the old energy is taking up all that space. You spend an exorbitant amount of energy, and emotion to keep the flame going which can otherwise be used to create more positivity and connection in life. The emotional expense is just not worth it!
What You Must NOT Do
- Don’t look at your pain as failure. Relationships never fail, they help you to learn, grow and evolve. It surely feels bad at the moment. But be thankful it taught you to make smarter and wiser decisions in the future.
- Don’t paint your pain over with a smile. Avoiding, repressing, ignoring your emotions is not the solution. What you resist, persists. You will keep boxing your emotions until one day your box is overloaded and can take no more.
- Don’t ask: “How can I change him or her?” You can’t. Everyone is on their own journey. No one is here to match your pace.
- Don’t be a victim and blame others. Remember every relationship is a mirror your unmet needs. Follow the steps of Healing Your Inner Child from Emotional Mastery to heal your deep emotional wounds.
- Don’t think of ‘What If’s. You don’t want to float away in the realm of fantasy. “What if I acted in different way?” You did what you did, and so did others. Accept as it is.
- Don’t repeat the sob story in your head again and again. Going in circles talking about it with others. You are giving pain power. Everyone will give you advice as per their beliefs only.
- Don’t give up on yourself. Pain is temporary, quitting is not. You may reach a point when you want to give up on everything, even on yourself. Dust off. Your heart may be broken, but not your spirit.
What You MUST DO
Letting Go is a process. When someone takes up so much of your life, it’s impossible to get over them overnight. Have patience. Let your emotions move through you. It sucks to hear this, but the only way out of it is through it.
Make sure you are not opening up past wound in the name of closure. Resist those unnecessary phone calls, DMs, and “one last talk” coffee shop meetups. Be truthful to your own self. Get your ‘Why’ very clear. Sometimes the reason is as simple as “we fell out of love” “we are not growing together anymore”. Accept the reason as it is. Don’t look for drama.
No more fights, no more compromises, no more confusion, no more knowing where you are heading. You can now choose to follow your heart and take your life to a new direction. Be thankful life has given you a new lease with new learnings.
Forgive Or Not?
Don’t push yourself to forgive others if it doesn’t feel real. Rather work on forgiving yourself for getting caught up in the melodrama and allowing your anger and pain to hold you back. Guilt can come after a breakup in different masked forms. Know that you are not the many things your ex might have called you during a heated argument. Reclaim your self-respect and say, “I treat myself with respect and comassion from today forward.”
Focus on your target ahead, not the past behind. I have clients who built successful seven-figure businesses from the surge of adrenaline that they got from an intense painful breakup. Some of the most famous artists turned their heartbreak into the greatest art. Channel your emotions and your energy into a positive future.
Punch It Out
Let your anger out. You anger is affecting you only negatively, not anyone else. Punch a pillow, or the couch to exhaustion. Don’t stop until your endorphins take over your adrenaline and disrupts your emotional pattern.
Change Your Emotional Habits
Don’t lose yourself in your emotions. Identify which emotions dominate major part of your day anger, hurt, guilt, shame, resentment, jealousy? Don’t just sit with your gloomy emotions. Follow the 7 Step Emotions Breakthrough Formula to shift your emotions rapidly.
Start a stalk jar
Every time you want to stalk your ex, give away $10 bill to someone. Make it expensive so you cannot afford to give away bills without second thought next time.
Practice Routine Relaxation
Conscious relaxation practice will calm down your stress reactions and increase your resilience. It will give you optimism and clarity of mind to take your happiness in your own hands. Learn guided relaxation techniques from an experienced qualified hypnosis or meditation coach.
Change From Me To You
Reach out to someone you know who is suffering. Flow your compassion and kindness out into the world and you will learn to let go and move on. Be a catalyst of positive change in someone else’s life and you will see the positivity in your own.
Explore A Happy Place
Get out of your house. Take a trip to a place you love or wanted to go for a long time. It doesn’t have to be a lavish Eat Pray Love trip but a short weekend in your friend’s place can get you on that joy boat ride again.
Breakup is not a deadlock situation, no matter how horrendous it may seem at first. Every person comes to your life for a certain reason, to takes you closer to your soul truth. If the hurt becomes too intense to handle, reach out to your circle of trust or a professional therapist. Know that a relationship is a not goal but a learning process only.